>:-( I hate grad school

Writing your dissertation is stupid.




That is all.

No Deer in the Kitchen

On Christmas, my husband's uncle gave him a deer shoulder. I don't know what he was going to do with all of that venison, but my husband accepted it anyway. It was super gross, just a stripped deer leg, hoof and all, hanging out in the freezer for a month. I refused to go in the freezer and kept telling him to get rid of it. Well, today was another *SNOW* day (read: 1 inch of snow, all schools closed.... my entire building empty) so I woke up a little late because I didn't see the urgency of rushing into work.

Well, I happened into the kitchen and it looked like GROSS ANATOMY class in there. Husband Dave had been thawing the leg all night in the sink, and was literally slicing the meat off the bone in my kitchen. There was even a pile of fascia on a plate nearest me. I almost barfed. And WTF was I supposed to do about COFFEE???? There was a half a deer sitting right next to my pot!!!!
Needless to say - I had to wait until I got to work to have a stupid cup of black tea.

After he finished his dissection, I NICELY ordered him to sanitize EVERYTHING. I was completely grossed out and am grossed out again now thinking of it. So now he and his buddy are off feasting upon the abomination that is no longer in my freezer (one positive?) while I am at home alone...

Such a monstrosity in the kitchen deserved a completely vegetarian dinner.. so I whipped up some Polenta Stuffed Peppers from the Moosewood Simple Suppers Cookbook. I've made them before, but neglected to post the recipe! You can find the recipe on my sister-in-law's blog by clicking HERE.



Additionally I made my favorite BBQ tofu with the BBQ sauce I had left over from THIS RECIPE.



Of course I had some wine, a lovely Malbec. But wait, what is that hiding behind my goblet? Well, it's not vegan, but it was lovely. A beet and mandarin orange salad- 2 beets, 1/4 cup orange slices, 1 Tbsp goat cheese and a drizzle of olive oil. Oh yeah. No blood, no deer, no meat.



Let's hope Bambi stays out of the kitchen next time.

UGGs

Here are my thoughts on Uggs.

The first picture of Brittney spears wearing smelly-inside Uggs while it was 90 degrees in California surfaced circa 2006! At this time I was still an undergrad - and I thought they were ugly. However, I realized that I did live in Western New York, and if boots were in style, than I should embrace the trend. We all want warm feet while walking around in 4 feet of snow, right? Well, the craziest thing was that UGGs are not water proof, and become saturated with snow, thus getting your feet wet, and then FREEZING (literallly) while you are wearing them on your feet during let's say, I'don't know, a December 20th Bills game? Well, I threw mine out after that I decided that they sucked and that yes, they truly are hideous.

I was back up in NY last weekend checking out a post doc program I would definitely be interested in if it were funded- and I kept seeing Uggs. Yes, yes, Uggs are UGLY- but really, why are people still wearing them? It's 2010 now, years after the trend emerged.

Here is my theory on when trends should end: when they reach the 12 year olds.

If the shoes you are wearing, or really any piece of clothing on your body, is currently being sold at Claire's Boutique.... you should consider giving up on them.

That's all I have to say about that.

Revisions, revisions

Imagine this: you wake up in the morning, ready to get to work and start writing. The first thing waiting for you is a paper filled with red ink. The 15th version of the same discussion. It's been 3 months. That's all you have been doing. Revising the parts with the red ink... and then getting more red ink in return. 3 months. The same words, the same paper, saying things in 15 different ways until finally you get the "okay, go." Kind of depressing, right? It gets easy to feel as if your life is devoid of all purpose. I finally got the "okay, go" last week- so we'll see how this goes.

Meanwhile - my last paper was completed LAST SEPTEMBER. Why oh why can't it just be submitted already? I need to graduate.


A peak into my reality:

Food processor day!

I still have been having trouble with a lack of appetite this week. I don't want to eat- and when I do eat, I start to feel nauseous. I met with my advisor today- and it went pretty well* (see footnote) - so who knows why I feel all jittery all the time. Well, like I've said, one thing that can always whet me appetite is PASTA. I raided my cookbooks, and found a great pesto recipe in Williams Sonoma "Cooking from the Farmer's Market Cookbook" - which I received as a wedding gift from my labmate (and friend). I didn't have everything so I made a version based on what I had (I threw this together, so I am just estimating portion sizes here):

Pesto sauce:
all of the basil leaves left in my garden (about 2 cups)
1 cup spinach
1/2 cup silken tofu
2 Tbsp nutritional yeast
Handful raw cashews
Olive oil (maybe 3 Tbsp?)
Salt and Pepper

Blend it all in a food processor and pour over pasta. Even Dave said it was "pretty good. Haven't you made this green shit before?" This answer was "no, no I haven't."

What goes best with pasta? BREAD and WINE of course! Italian cooking is just the best. While I was out in my yard picking the basil, I noticed a ton of ripened FIGS on my fig tree! They ripen quickly, and if you don't pick them a damn army of ants finds and devours them, so you have to be on top of your game when harvesting. Behold: my bounty.


What do you do with figs? Make Carmelized fig spread of course! This is a recipe from my friend who made it countless times last year. It is so good and tastes great slathered on rosemary olive-oil bread.

Carmelized fig spread, originally from the Guilded Fork:

8 fresh figs, stemmed and halved
1 medium sweet onion, sliced thinly
4 tablespoons sugar, divided
2 tablespoons good-quality balsamic vinegar
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon salt

Preheat broiler. Cut figs in half, spread on baking sheet, inside part up. Top with sugar (I only used 2 tsp) and broil 4 minutes. Next slice onion, broil 4 minutes as well. Blend all ingredients together and enjoy with wine and pasta.

The wine? I was looking for something under $5 (classy!) and found:


First smell: black currant and ALCOHOL. First taste: cherry, licorice, and more alcohol. Seriously, it was very strong. Who's arguing?

And finally, the finished product:



Since the food processor was already good and warmed up, I figured I would make some balls- since I had been thinking of chocolate all day. Today I blended:

some cashews
4 dates
1 Tbsp brown sugar
1 tsp agave,
1 Tbsp cocoa powder
2 Tbsp peanut butter.

They are currently setting in the freezer, a sneak peek:


And now that it is almost time for bed, my eyes can finally see the computer screen!









*It most likely went well because at 8:20 this morning I had an eye exam, because I was OUT of contacts. For whatever reason, they DILATE your pupils during an eye exam down here. That means that you must avoid bright light, reading and computer screens for the next 4-6 hours. I could not see ANYTHING. Then it dawned on me: wait, what do I do at work??? Sit under a florescent LIGHT, READ papers, and stare at a COMPUTER SCREEN!!! Well, I decided that the extreme discomfort of the dilation was worth it- because I didn't go into work for the day! I couldn't read, so I watched True Blood for 3 hours before our meeting. When I arrived, I announced that I could "barely see" and would be wearing sunglasses. These also helped because I was able to roll my eyes freely when he said something ridiculous to me. Ah, how nice it was to express my annoyance through eye rolls. And he seemed generally concerned about my vision. SUCKER.

It's the little things....

I have been working on a draft of a protocol (an outline of a study to submit to a university, who judges it ethical or not) for about 6 weeks. I have written 2 before, without problem or any major concerns. When my advisor, amongst the list of three other things he had given me to work on for the upcoming week, told me to "start a protocol" I made the mistake of saying "oh sure, no problem, that won't take me long! I have it all written in my grant anyway." Something inside of him must have said "no problem? We'll see about that!"

Needless to say, six weeks of nitpicking away at sentence length and left justification - I got the okay to hand it in. He called me up for our weekly meeting, and when I opened the door, just said "this wont' be long, you're good to go." And actually shooed me away with his hand. That is pretty good for positive reinforcement from him in my experience. Later, he accused me of copying my work from my lab mate - though in reality I copied my OWN work from the past two I have successfully completed. But that's a whole other annoying story, which ends with him saying "oh, my bad." My bad? First of all- why would you accuse me of not doing my own work after 3 years of independent work, and secondly - who the hell says "my bad?" Alicia Silverstone in Clueless, that's who!


Well, after being accused of blatant plagiarizing, I lost my appetite. Husband decided he wanted to cash in the raincheck on margaritas, so we had a great mexican dinner. They apparently had no dessert, so we went to a local gelato place for another beer - and gelato obviously. One of the flavors - avocado! I asked to sample it, and it was super good! So I went with it and I suggest you do the same should you ever encounter it!

Staying away from work

Everyone has some interesting personality quirks. One of mine is that I constantly feel the need to be at work- even if I am not working. Human research is a lot of hard work, punctuated by long, extended periods in which there is very little to do. I remember when I first switched to human work one of the directors pointed this out to me- and told me it was important to keep myself motivated through these lulls. Well, right now I am in one of those down times. I am writing, but writing is a long process, especially when you are only writing to please your advisor on a weekly basis - and you cannot turn in work within less than a week, because it is unacceptable. Anyway - it's 9:45am, I woke up at 6 this morning to drive back from Chapel Hill. Because sometimes a one day vacation is better than nothing.


I am sitting here riddled with guilt because I feel that I need to be at work right now. What do I have to do today you ask? I have a meeting at 3 about a course I am a part of teaching. I also am having lunch with a friend. Additionally, I have some addresses at work I need to add to thank yous before I can send them out. My work consists only of a back and forth with my advisor about a draft I am preparing.


Do I have any work to do? No. I finished it last week, and have to wait until TOMORROW at two to submit it. Why do I feel I need to go to work then? My advisor doesn't know if I am there or not, I have nothing productive to do.... who knows. All I know is that it is Monday - and I already need another mini vacation.

Fun with advisors and Polenta!

Describing the relationship of an advisor to an advisee sometimes proves to be difficult. It's kind of like a mix between a boss, parent, Drill Sargent, and babysitter. Everything you want to do requires their permission. They guide your career, serve as the rate-limiting factor for your progression through school, make you feel like crap, and serve as your biggest fan. No matter what - they are the ones that will get you to graduate. You need their help to put out publications, okay your dissertation, and ultimately provide a recommendation for you. It's a very complex relationship - and it's different with everyone. Thinking your advisor hates you is a pretty common theme in grad school. Google "my advisor hates me" and you'll get several thousand hits. However, by the end most realize that their advisor does not in fact hate them... after several years of therapy.

My dad went to business school, and told me that my advisor uses a management style known as "everything is an emergency." Everything has to be done RIGHT away, and ASAP emails are abundant. This morning, I decided I would sleep in. It's Friday - and I had finished my work due NEXT week, so I decided to sleep in. At about 9, my phone starts buzzing at me- alerting me to a new email. It was from my advisor -saying to email him AS SOON AS POSSIBLE when I arrive at work. Well, crap. I throw on clothes, rush out the door, arrive at work unshowered and smelly - to email my advisor back. His reply? "Let's meet in 2 hours." UGH.

Anyway- the husband was gone last night, so I got to cook for myself yet again. I make a fun polenta dish when I don't feel like throwing anything too complicated together- so I saute up some veggies, and warm two slices of polenta in the microwave. Add veggies (onion, pepper and broc) to top, smother with tomato sauce and a sprinkling of Daiya and nuke again... and dinner is done. I was CRAVING carbs last night so I bought some sour dough bread. The wine is Skull camp's "anticipation" made by Round Peak vineyards. A young un-oaked chardonnay with less than 4% residual sugar- a nice semi-sweet wine. Perfect to accompany the 50 thank you notes I got through yesterday.
Now I am off for a swim - that will serve as my first "shower" of the day.

Sometimes winning can be fun

Being in grad school gets pretty depressing. Spending your days writing and writing, usually not even speaking to an actual human being all day. After 4 years, you get pretty worn down and are just ready to leave. I am in need-to-graduate mode, so I spend all of my hours writing, addressing corrections, and meeting with my advisor. There is no joy in my day, that's for sure. The only things that seem to brighten my day are food, sunshine (when I get to see it), when something unfortunate happens to a person I dislike, and chocolate.

Today - I was not feeling well, and I was exhausted from another running workout last night. The husband left at 5:30 to go play hockey, leaving on hall lights galore. I put a pillow over my head and vowed to sleep until I wanted to wake up. The cat woke me up at 8- I checked my phone and realized I had forgotten all about my dentist appointment today. I rushed out of the house, into the pouring rain, unshowered and miserable, ready to be pumped full of novocaine. One injection and two fillings later- I was rewarded with an Otis Spunkenmeyer cookie, which I could not resist and chewed with half of my face.

I returned home to find a package on my front porch - which I assumed were my wedding thank-you's.... which reminded me how many of them we now have to write, and I became more miserable. Instead- I found the contents of a giveaway I had won from Chai & Yoga. I was so thrilled that I won something - and even decided to work from home today - to spare myself from the florescent lights and smelly cubicle for at least one day. Yay! And no one had to get rejected from 12 grad schools to make me smile.

Teaching would be great if it wasn't for all the students

A couple of years ago I decided that my career path would focus on teaching. For my entire life I have tended to like things that I am GOOD at (i.e. swimming! yoga!) and HATE the things that I suck at (i.e., SOFTBALL! HOCKEY! BASKETBALL! KNITTING!). Teaching is one of those things. It's a talent of mine, so therefore I enjoy it. However, it also makes me crazy. I remember my mother coming home after a day of teaching middle school and being so cranky for the first hour or so. Or.. the rest of the week (sorry mom).

I teach master's level students, whom I would have expected to be professional, motivated and respectful. Well, I was pretty off base. This is my third year teaching in the program, and it is still possible to surprise me. Today 2 students showed up 30 minutes late for their final. When I asked them if they forgot, they said "no," sat down, and bombed the exam in 28 minutes. After grading (which I had to do already because final grades were apparently due TODAY at 5!!!!!!) I discovered that a few of the males in the class had held true to their word of not studying for lack of necessity of a good grade on this exam to achieve a high overall grade. So, these few, who are regularly outstanding students - all refused to study and took C's on this exam.

Please - bear this in mind. When you visit a health care provider- they may have very well done this same thing. These aforementioned students do not know a thing now about diabetes, pregnancy, or sex hormones. Well, great. I'm staying out of any doctor's offices until I'm about to die.

My advice of the day: do your damn work. Lazy people make me angry. Get a job.